1. Bond on Bond

From the recording PLAYING THE GHOST

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James Bond was having some lunch
With his cute puppy Toto
At Honest Abe's hot dog stand.
It seems that James had a hunch
How sly old Quasimodo
Kept on smuggling contraband.

Abe appeared in the entrance
From behind an iron curtain
And said, "That name rings a bell.
I met Quasimodo once
Of that I am quite certain
In the sixth circle of Hell."

"I was 'inferno' reason,"
Abe announced with pun in hand,
"So I think they let me out.
It's been so hot this season -
Hard boiling eggs in the sand -
I'm starting to have my doubts."

James looked like Julius Caesar
In his salad days and beyond -
Before Brutus came along.
Like the dad in "Leave It to Beaver,"
You could say that "Ward is Bond."
Then again, I could be wrong.

Abe was a bit more debonair
Like that Willis guy named Bruce
A mixture of Peter Lorre,
Winston Churchill, and Fred Astaire -
Perhaps a bit more footloose ...
And now, back to our story ...

"Penny for your thoughts," quipped James,
What do you think I should do
To straighten out this whole mess?"
Abe said, "I'm no good with names -
Go talk to Nosferatu.
Here's his Gettysburg address."

James pulled into Pennsylvania
Doing ninety miles an hour -
Hot on that vampire's trail.
These twilight trips can drain ya
Of every drop of power
Quicker than Ahab's white whale.

"What are you blubbering about?"
Is the one burning question
You'd like to ask me right now.
I hear Phil Rizzuto shout,
"You're giving me indigestion
With this whale tale - Holy cow!"

About this time things got fuzzy,
And I lost all track of time.
Lincoln wasn't there, or was he,
At the scene of the crime?

Just another late breakfast
That somehow went gravely wrong.
Just me digging up the past
With Mr. Lincoln and James Bond.

Copyright © 2011 Lex Zaleta