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That Hurts a Lot! (from THE EDGE OF SOMEWHERE)

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Lyrics

THAT HURTS A LOT

Did you ever spend your whole day
Looking for that special gift?
Went and spent that extra pay
You made from those double shifts?
She opens it and looks inside,
Says it’s just like the one she got
From her new boyfriend Clyde –
Oooooh, that hurts a lot!

Did you ever spend a whole week
Painting your neighbor’s house?
Of course, you did it all for free
At the urging of your spouse.
He steps outside and looks around,
Then he says, “You missed a spot.”
Your jaw just about hits the ground –
Oooooh, that hurts a lot!

Did you ever stub your toe,
And spill your hot coffee?
Burned so bad you had to go
To that room marked “EMERGENCY”!
Don’t you love those paper cuts
When they’re dipped in gasoline?
It’s like a kick in the nuts
With a titty twister in between.

Did you ever save some dough,
Put away a little mad money?
You say, “Easy come, easy go!”
Just trying to be funny.
Seems like only a moment later,
The car breaks down on the spot;
And so does the refrigerator –
Oooooh, that hurts a lot!

Ever sit on a fire ant hill
In your best underwear?
Ever get lost at the landfill,
And get bats stuck in your hair?
Don’t you love those paper cuts
When they’re dipped in gasoline?
It’s like a kick in the nuts
With a titty twister in between.

Ever have a best friend that gloats
Over everything he’s bought?
Runs right over your rowboat
With his brand new yacht –
Ooooooh, that hurts a lot!

Ever do what I just did,
Shove a sharp stick in your eye
Leaves a splinter so big
It hurts to even cry?
Don’t you love those paper cuts
When they’re dipped in gasoline?
It’s like a kick in the nuts
With a titty twister in between.

Ever swallow a bee
Stings you on the way down?
Ever try to take a pee
With a kidney stone in town?

Oooooh, that hurts a lot!

Copyright © 2007 Lex Zaleta