From the recording SHADOW PEOPLE
Lyrics
CHEESEBURGER EASTERNS<br />
<br />
I had one fortune cookie too many;<br />
I burped and got most of my movies crossed.<br />
One minute I was seeing Jack Benny<br />
In a spaceship from the land of the lost.<br />
<br />
The next moment there was Charlton Heston,<br />
Looking a lot like 007.<br />
He was being chased by Sergeant Preston,<br />
Taking nine Commandments back to heaven.<br />
<br />
“What’s your hurry? You know heaven can wait!”<br />
Said a pretty woman with Beatty eyes,<br />
Waltzing around yodeling, “Kiss Me, Kate,”<br />
And “Ward is bond; tomorrow never dies.”<br />
<br />
Stuck inside a Quai Chang Cain mutiny,<br />
With Dick Tracy, the old man, and the sea.<br />
The Jaws of Life can never pull me free<br />
From this Tarzan and Jane calamity.<br />
<br />
Spaghetti westerns<br />
Are just fine for some –<br />
From Spain and Italy.<br />
Cheeseburger easterns<br />
In the L.A. sun<br />
Are just right for me.<br />
<br />
Another burp, another face appeared,<br />
Stuck inside of a kung fu chop-em-up.<br />
Young Clint Eastwood was the man to be feared;<br />
Old Yeller was a lonely Chinese pup.<br />
<br />
Lee and Shane duked it out on Cold Mountain;<br />
Nicholson sang “Get Back” and “Let It Be,”<br />
“Hail to the Chief, “Three Coins in the Fountain.”<br />
Bronson bellowed, “It looks like rain to me!”<br />
<br />
I saw Reynolds rap and give Fred a stare<br />
That could topple six or seven gables.<br />
Arnold stroked a French play while he was there,<br />
Though he pronounced it “Less Miser-ables.”<br />
<br />
<br />
Stuck inside a Quai Chang Cain mutiny,<br />
With Dick Tracy, the old man, and the sea.<br />
The Jaws of Life can never pull me free<br />
From this Tarzan and Jane calamity.<br />
<br />
Spaghetti westerns<br />
Are just fine for some -<br />
From Spain and Italy.<br />
Cheeseburger easterns<br />
In the L.A. sun<br />
Are just right for me.<br />
<br />
Marvin gardened, asked The Rock for fifty.<br />
Tupac replied bluntly, “Have a forty!”<br />
Simon said, “I don’t carry Grants on me.<br />
Catch twenty-two on Garfunkel’s sortie.”<br />
<br />
Monroe’s muffled voice and her Midas touch<br />
Worked while the San Luis Rey bells did toll.<br />
Tiny Tim gave Heidi a golden crutch;<br />
Crosby crooned, “Five more and you get egg roll.”<br />
<br />
Rocky called to E.T., “Yo, Alien!”<br />
Mel played guitar, a Gibson wide body.<br />
Tom cruised by with all the President’s men.<br />
Hepburn sat on a tin roof, a real hottie.<br />
<br />
Stuck inside a Quai Chang Cain mutiny,<br />
With Dick Tracy, the old man, and the sea.<br />
The Jaws of Life can never pull me free<br />
From this Tarzan and Jane calamity.<br />
<br />
Spaghetti westerns<br />
Are just fine for some -<br />
From Spain and Italy.<br />
Cheeseburger easterns<br />
In the L.A. sun<br />
Are just right for me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2004 Lex Zaleta<br />